Cake

Birthdays,
Parties,
Celebrations,
There’s always cake.


I don’t usually eat cake,
But that day I did.
The day I had to say goodbye,
the day I had to let you go,
the day of your funeral,
I ate cake.


I prayed for it to be fake,
Prayed it was a mistake,
but seeing your casket get lowered into the ground I knew,
it was real.
So, I ate cake.


I ate cake at your repast, watching everyone.
Eat,
and talk,
and laugh.
I wondered how they could seem so okay.
I wondered how they could smile, and laugh, and talk about you.
Because I couldn’t.


I couldn’t say your name without crying like a baby.
I couldn’t speak without my eyes watering.
So, I didn’t.
I sat there,
and I ate cake.


And with every bite
I thought of you.
Every spec and crumb of that strawberry cake that entered my
mouth
I thought of you.
I thought of the time we spent together.
And as all my memories of us raced my mind,
I wished that I could enter a time machine and go back.


Go back to the good times.
Go back and relive every moment with you.
Go back to before you left me.
Go back to before your body was laying in that casket in the ground.


But I couldn’t.
So, I sat there
and I ate cake.


And with every bite
I thought of you.
Every spec and crumb of that strawberry cake that entered my
mouth
I thought of you.
I thought of the time we were losing now that you’re gone.


The good times you’ll be missing.
Will they even be good times though?
You won’t be there.
They say you’re still with me in my heart,
but that’s not the same,
you’re not here.
You’re gone.


But I’m still here,
I’m still here,
eating cake.


Thinking about the cakes
you won’t be here to eat with me.
My birthdays,
College graduation,
My wedding.
You won’t be here.
But we’ll have cake.


And with every cake,
with every single bite I take of those cakes,
I will think of you.
With every celebration you won’t be there for,
I will think of you.


But for the time being,
I’m still here.
Just like I was at your repast,
thinking how long will this grief last,
Watching everyone smile,
and laugh,
and talk about you.
While I sit
silently,
and eat cake.


I can’t bother to fake a smile,
Or make small talk,
Or do anything but sit.
So, that’s what I will do.
I will sit,
and eat cake.


And I will eat cake in the future too.
On birthdays,
at the parties,
at the celebrations.
there will always be cake,
and there will always be one thing that’s missing…
You.