Seaside thats mine not yours.

In the summer they come from many miles all around
to get stuck in much traffic the beeping horns sound,
unable to park up as all car park spaces have vanished
and moaned at by children who should all be banished.

Bring your spades, bring your buckets,kids deckchairs too
dont forget grandma,grandad, and yes our new portaloo!
make sure you bring things to keep the kids entertained
and my harpoon gun as i dont want to get shark maimed.

Of course its a day at the seaside with the family so keen
sun,sand,and sunburned where your hat should have been,
white panda eyes from sunglasses,and far too full of chips
struggling to pull on swimwear with those much wider hips.

Seagull poo on your deckchair and grandads bald head too
the tides come in grandmas nodded off on the new portaloo,
mums frantically placing the children in their new swimwear
but they are covered in seaweed and so much sand everywhere.

Its chaos a plenty just like every other family all very close by
and with no room to spread out it will just make you cry,
you thought it would be all seagulls,surf noises, and calming
but you will only truly find peace while undergoing embalming.

look people i live here by the seaside due too retirement choices
not too step out my house hearing all your loud shouting voices
clear off you lot back to where you all came from i beeseech you
dont you have a seaside close by with its own flippin beach too????