Only the Beginning

“Only the Beginning”

(June 14, 2022)

It’s hard for me to let go,
After holding on for so long.
I held onto hope that you would return,
But now you are actually gone.

I find myself reliving old memories,
Wishing I could see you again.
I was supposed to see you this week,
But now you’re with God in Heaven.

Perhaps I should’ve told you sooner,
How much I really missed you.
The distance broke my heart,
And all that I wished you knew.

I had felt abandoned long ago,
This time it was not your choice.
I’m not sure which loss hurt more,
Now I long to hear your voice.

I found mine before you passed,
And I felt like you heard me.
It meant a lot that you listened,
The heaviness was set free.

We started to reconnect again,
But there wasn’t enough time.
It happened so unexpectedly,
Which almost felt like a crime.

Part of me was in disbelief,
When I got the dreadful call.
I kept repeating, “Why God?”
As the tears began to fall.

I couldn’t believe God would do this,
I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
The first night was the hardest,
A heartache I could not deny.

I thought I finally had my dad back,
But sadly that didn’t last long.
I didn’t want this to be the end,
After everything that went wrong.

She took everything that she could,
And now it is hers to keep.
She couldn’t take your place in my heart,
Or the pain that ran deep.

Now I imagine you are with me,
Listening while I sing in the car.
I spent many years waiting for you,
Oddly, you no longer seem so far.

Although it is not the same,
Or what I had in my mind.
I wanted the dad that I once knew,
He was loving, helpful, and kind.

All I wanted was your time,
And for you to be proud of me.
I hoped for the support they had,
But I was mostly left with grief.

I know you tried to make things right,
And you carried a lot of guilt.
I will cherish every effort you made,
And the last bridge we built.

I hope you see how much I love you,
And I appreciate all you have done.
At times, I feel closer to you now,
Perhaps our healing has only begun.