What I have done...

What I have done...

What I have done to me in a past few times,
I tortured, hurt, and forgot all my smiles.
I did what I should not have done,
Who I have on my side - none.

I always used to cry and let my happiness go,
now my end is ready to bow.
I should have listened to my heart than these fake relations,
Who are standing in front of me showing their affection
but the reality is they are the reason for my damnation.

The bed where I used to cry and hide my pain
will become my coffin at any time.
I always tried to make others happy except me
that is my crime.
The child who used to be free and jolly,
now not feeling any pain, except for the dolly.

My mother gave me my dolly when everything was heavenly,
I used to tell all my feelings to her secretly.
Only she knows what my heart wants,
Quite contrary what my fake relatives are giving is my death grants.

I always wanted to live like a princess
who dreamt high and wants to fly freely,
not knowing the reality where I was able to breath barely.
I wonder what my life could be
If I ever had heard myself and cared about me,
I never had to say I, I could have confidently said we.

However, these things do not matter now,
I am closing my eyes somehow.
If I could have any next life, I wish I could be just me,
my own world and the things which I want to see.

My eyes went close automatically, heartbeat dropped,
Every effort of me to live is now flopped.
Everyone is crying but they all together can not match
the amount I cried and got wounded,
I cannot blame anyone; I was the only stupid.


-Janvi Rana