Here comes the sun

most days I find myself hollow
i feel like I’ve fallen and haven’t stopped falling ever since I turned 12
and the falling i sometimes forget is there
until I remember
then, the falling is all I see, all I hear
all I am
yet, there’s a moment on a Thursday when im working and the sun hits my desk
when I welcome the warmth and feel as though it’s touched my atoms and is dancing along the hairs of my arms
or when I can run, far and fast and my sweat feels like a reward
most importantly when the local cvs has my favorite mascara in store or when giant has the perfect ripe mangos
in these moments I am what I forget I am
my bones return to the stars they came from
my laugh to the explosions on the surface of the sun
my cracks and leaks that i thought made me wrong back to the moon
and suddenly my heart doesn’t feel so heavy and my claws so sharp
and i think I’ve stopped falling
just for a moment I got on my feet
and it is everything I forgot I was
these moments remind us that sometimes you land on your feet, sometimes you go right through the floor, and sometimes you hit the ground and you hit it hard
it hurts
you might even cry
but the light came!
if only for a moment, it was there
and that is happiness
feeling the sun for moments at a time

and as everything does, the glow i could once feel in my insides at my cold desk begins to fade
my paper is gray once more and my seat is ripped from under me and I fall again
but for a moment, I didn’t  
and that is enough for me
and because it is enough, I am not a hole
I AM FULL OF THE UNIVERSE