Don’t Tell Me I’m Sweet

Don’t tell me I’m sweet
Being “sweet” has not gotten me far in life
Please, don’t tell me I have a heart of Gold
For this fools gold has brought me nothing but contention and strife
See it’s been 29 years of walking on this orbit of opportunity
29
I’ve been a daughter, sister, friend, lover,  educator, spiritualist, and a wife
And out of those 29 years it took me one just to discover
How hope can be throttled with reality’s sharp edged knife
One swift cut to release all of my expectations and insecurities
My desires and impurities
One slit of a wrist to wake me out of my sheepish Disney fantasies
And show me that on this orbit of opportunity
It’s not many people who really truly genuinely f*ck with me
It took one
Year
One bad decision
One leap of faith
One flood of destruction
One dose of actuality to spit in my face
It took one
Time
For me to realize that real eyes don’t really realize real lies
No,
See I found
That what is profound is a soul unbound, a mind that is sound, and a true spiritual foundation built up from the ground
And in none of that
Is there a requirement to be sweet
No heart filled with fools Gold that others deceive and mistreat
No
But  see
I can’t even enact in that properly
In reality
If I may be honest
Lately Ive found myself in in a space where I
Would really like to be the villain in someone’s story
Make someone else cry
Cause them to question everything they know about reciprocity
For once be the one who make someone else mind
Wonder with wander
Have their pillow hold secrets of whispered pain and somber
As heartache and memories of perceived love creeps up their thighs
For once  I’d like to be the one that tells the lies their real eyes can’t realize
I’d like to be the one does the hurting
Have someone sitting in the shower weeping for hours
And hours
Leaving them as they proclaim they will never  love again earnestly
Cause them to track the phases of the moon to write  intentions, contemplate  love spells, and pray  Oshun heals the atrocity  
But,
I can’t.
And that’s what really be fucking with me
Cause though my mind wants revenge
My heart won’t let me act ugly
When I want to enact on emotional travesty and declare war
I’m told not to change myself -
Acting out like that isn’t who I am anymore.
See I’m “different”
One of the good women out here
Carrying scars from the many people who chose to hurt me
Even though they knew that I really did care
So though you may think your sentiments are filled with treats
That you mean well in your advice of how I’m such a good woman and why you’d never be able to love  adequately
Out of fear of hurting me or ruining  me
So instead of love
You’ll just ask for a bit of my intimate ruby
Please keep your explanations, I don’t find it meek
There is nothing humbling about knowing my love is too good for anyone to
honestly seek
Don’t compliment my golden foolish heart
And please,
Don’t tell me I’m sweet .