I WANT TO KNOW THE STORMS

I want to crawl inside my mind to see, like a time bomb, what magic makes me tick. I want to get naked, and I mean real raw. Bloody and bruised, unreligiously dirty that I tried to pray and f*ck harderTo further examine what I saw that made me this way, I want to understand why others drank the same water as me and are not sick.

I want to climb the tallest mountains and the city's tallest skyscrapers and scream at the top of my lungs. Why do you insist on fucking me when I thought I was better? So I decided like I did many times before  write f*ck you inside of this letter and a double f*ck you because you might be in my mind, but I'm not your whore at least I don't think I am, but you are every damn thought I ever had since birth, so I think you understand

I want to know why I think this way. Still, every day is not the same because there are days you son of bitch don't even remember my name, so you don't use those tricks that you keep in your 2nd handbag to call, and when my phone does not ring for seconds months hours or years I am at peace I found myself love, and I can hear the birds and angels sing.

I want to know so much about who I am and why there are moments that I feel as if I'm the quiet before the storm, the coldness in the winter's night that somehow keeps my soul warm. I am thinking again maybe I am the storm, and the rain, the thunder, and lightning are my best friends.

Open up those damn floodgates and let the music. Touch me from the outside and deep within. Yes, I have had moments of mental breakdowns, but does that mean I am living in sin or just waiting for the emotions to end this storm that reminds me of a tidal wave or earthquake for how it makes the whole of me shake to its core?

I will make all the noise you hear, thinking it is just your first heartbreak, and all it is is the branches from the tree that was once me. Still, nowadays, I am the storm, the lightning lighting the sky and the thunder that makes the loudest of sounds that my silent voice had ever made. I am the storm that never fades.