My Relationship With My Bed

My bed is the most stable and healthy relationship I have ever been in, because it always seems to bounce back, and It doesn't grow a pair of legs and walk away when life decides to hit back, they say "When life hits you hard, hit it back harder", but that's hard to do when life packs a bigger punch. Cavetown has a song that goes- "..the wind, it howls and bites, bite it back with all your might", but it has a bigger bite than its bark, but who has to worry about life hitting you where it hurts, or how cold people can be when you can just lay in bed and do absolutely nothing.

My bed has been there for me more than some people have. It's been there for me when I've laid in bed crying while having my tears flood my mattress, it has wrapped its arms around me, giving comfort even on the coldest days, and my bed has taken abuse when I need to release pint up anger. My bed has soaked up my exhaustion and I hope it ships it off somewhere without a return address because I'm exhausted and Burnt out all the time. When I wake up and when I go to sleep, I am tired. I am tired whether or not I have a hard day, I am, tired whether I ate breakfast or lunch. I am tired whether or not I drank enough water or if I got all 8-10 hours of sleep,  but the thing is, my bed is with me from the time I sleep till I wake up, and has seen all of my nightmares, and all of the nightmares I have lived through the day time.
My bed is always there when I need it. Feeling tired? Go to bed. Had a hard day at work? Go to bed. Missing someone? Go to bed. Feeling bored? Try going to bed.
But the thing about my relationship with my bed is toxic.
It drains my energy, it tells me that I don't need to go out and get a glass of water, it tells me “  you don't REALLY need to take your meds, brush your teeth, wash your hair”. Or “Do you REALLY need to eat?”
“I know you're running out of clean clothes and you're going to work in dirty clothes that hopefully dont smell like B.O. and I know that you've been procrastinating on doing that big pile of laundry and picking up your room so you can finally see your floor, and yes, I know you haven't been going to church, your boss had been making you work your butt off every weekday and weekend with barely any days off, working more than most of your coworkers while they get paid vacation and they just NOW notice how often you've been working”. But hey! As long as you've got me.

Every night it gets harder and harder to sleep. Sometimes it's because of the blue light that shines off my laptop, Ipad, and iPhone because I can't STAND the silence, or because the voices in my head or the memories I have won't let me.

 I take my meds at night because "they tend to make people drowsy", even though they never seem to help ME fall asleep, I watch videos on youtube until my eyes have to force themselves shut just to finally go to sleep because the blue light keeps me from feeling tired, even though, as I said, I'm tired all the time.

Which is why I have such a strong relationship with my bed. I can go to it when I need it, 24/7/365, and it does it to no fail because it's always there where I left it. And when I return, the cycle starts all over again. Because I'm tired, all the time.