Flood

As this week grows nears and minutes become closer to the moment you left my throat becomes tight and my eyes flood. My eye flood with overwhelmed feelings of the permanence. The permanence which is that you are gone. Not gone for the day or gone out of town but gone from my life. Gone from everything I want you to be a part of you. I want you a part of everything, you not being there is a glaring reminder of all of the losses. Yea; losing my mother. But losing the person that I struggled with my whole life to have a good relationship with, the person you I danced around the room with victories occurred and the person that I wanted to always please. The week grows nearer and my eyes flood. Flood with the thought of you never knowing how great of a mom I am because I try not to do so many of things you did as a mother. My eyes flood with knowing that you have never known the laugh of your grand daughter. My eyes flood with knowing that tomorrow will just be like yesterday and the days before. My eyes flood with knowing that so many people don’t understand. My eyes flood in jealously of those who have moms and people in their lives that arent sick. My eyes flood and each day I hope for a drought.