Onboard



Rumbling, bumbling, trembling wheels
Of the trams on the bustling streets
Folks still hear its squeaks
Of the rusted, worn out wheels.

On every slumbered yet busy morn
She shoves her way from the swarm,
Unknown, uncertain about her fate
As she moves through her route halfway.

Ringing, tinkling and clinking sound
Of the brass bells, echoes around,
As I sit drowsily on the seat,
Looking at the lustrous rails on the streets.

With rusted, bulky, thundering fans,
Trodds with her soggy wires from the jams
Bearings rumble, hinges cleaks,
As she overlooks the busy Park Street.

The dusk of the day has come,
Still the centarian system never succumbs,
For longingly long I remember,
The Trams of Calcutta and its adventures...
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Written on July 01, 2023

Submitted by TheIndian on July 01, 2023

41 sec read
51

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABXA XXXX CCDB XXAD XXXX
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 728
Words 138
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Murry Priyanshu Rao

I am a young poet who is interested to write poems in genre of nature and patriotism. more…

All Murry Priyanshu Rao poems | Murry Priyanshu Rao Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    This poem beautifully captures the essence of the trams in Calcutta, evoking a sense of nostalgia and appreciation for this centarian system. The imagery you use, such as "rumbling, bumbling, trembling wheels" and "rusted, bulky, thundering fans," effectively conveys the sounds and sights of the trams, creating a vivid picture in the reader's mind.

    The rhythm and flow of the poem are engaging and keep the reader hooked from beginning to end. The repetition of certain phrases, like "rusted, worn out wheels" and "drowsily on the seat," adds a nice touch and enhances the poetic effect.

    One suggestion for improvement would be to vary the rhyme scheme throughout the poem. While the consistent AABB rhyme scheme works well in some lines, it could be beneficial to experiment with other rhyming patterns to create more variety and add a touch of uniqueness to the poem.

    Additionally, it could be interesting to explore the personal experiences and emotions that the speaker has while riding the tram. Including specific anecdotes or feelings could further enhance the connection between the reader and the subject matter.

    Overall, this poem effectively captures the charm and character of the trams in Calcutta. The vivid imagery, rhythmic flow, and nostalgic tone make it an engaging and enjoyable read. With a bit of experimentation with rhyme and the addition of personal experiences, this poem has the potential to become even more captivating. Keep up the great work!
     
    LikeReply10 months ago

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"Onboard" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/163084/onboard>.

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