Straitjacket

The rain
Came down in sheets,
The droplets
Tapping
Against my window
Like an army
Of fingers,
Each one trying
To worm its way
Inside.
But I didn't mind the sound.
I welcomed it,
Actually,
Because it was
The only thing
That kept me company
In my solitude.

As I sat there,
My mind
Began to drift.
I thought about
All the missed
Opportunities
And the could-have-beens,
The moments
Of my life
That had been wasted.
I never grasped
The creeping time
Of evening showers
Until they were gone,
Until the rain
Had stopped
And the sun
Had risen
And another day
Had slipped
Through my fingers
Like the air.

But as the darkness
Enveloped me
Like a straitjacket,
I couldn't escape
The noose
That hung
In my darkest
Imaginations.
It was always there,
Waiting for me
To let my guard down,
To relax
Just enough
So it could creep up
And wrap
Itself
Around my throat.

And then
There were the people.
The ones
Who made
My skin crawl
And my stomach churn.
The ones
Who whispered
Behind my back
And made fun of me
When I wasn't around.
I was strangled
By their haunted
Social scene,
An outsider
Looking in,
A pariah
That no one
Wanted to touch.

But worst of all
Was the queen.
The one who ruled
Over everything
And everyone,
Treating me like
Just a pawn
In her game.
She always knew
What move to make,
Always had
The upper hand.
I was outplayed,
Outmatched,
Outclassed.
And I didn't know
How to get out
From under
Her shadow.

The rain
Stopped eventually,
Leaving me alone
With my thoughts
And my fears.
But I knew
That it would return,
Just like everything else
In my life.
And in the meantime,
I would be left
To face
The demons
That haunted me,
To fight
Against
The forces
That threatened
To drag me
Down into
The depths
Of despair.