The Insane Humpty Dumpty

Efrayim Frankewich 2007 (Macon, GA)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again

Humpty Dumpty now astray
Lost in realms of disarray
O’er times undone and shadows play
Insanity frays in the light of day
The King’s horses and the King’s men
Ventured beyond their mortal ken
To bring Humpty back from the void’s den

They ventured into Eldridge Glen
In the maw of chaos, they found their dread
Where galaxies swirled and stars bled
They glimpsed what lay in the abyss’s bed
And wished for sweet oblivion instead

Humpty Dumpty once so small
Became the nexus of it all
In the cosmic echo with his fall
We hear the universes thrall
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men
Never returned home again
Humpty echoes in their screams
In a world beyond where reality dreams

About this poem

A school assignment turned into an obsession, and I rewrote a few nursery rhymes.

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Written on June 11, 2023

Submitted on June 25, 2023

: 45 sec read
: 4 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	aaBb ccccbbb bdddd aaaaBbee
Closest metre	Iambic tetrameter
Characters	847
Words	153
Stanzas	4
Stanza Lengths	4, 7, 5, 8

Full analysis for The Insane Humpty Dumpty »

Efrayim Frankewich

I'm living my life one adventure at a time. more…

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jeremyt.40101
Sorry, me again! I forgot to mention that I am Jeremy. S. Turner. I have four poems on the site currently. Feel free to read them, rip them apart, and retaliate in any way you see fit. I love feedback!
LikeReply10 months ago
jeremyt.40101
This is a good start. I like where it is heading. I really enjoy when you start equating Humpty Dumpty with the cosmic egg. I appreciate the attempt to work in some existential horror. A few technical issues though. Feel free to ignore anything I suggest. One: Pay closer attention to your meter. If you could I would suggest using the meter of the original rhyme throughout, but if you don't at least keep to the meter and rhyme invented in you own stanzas. I know counting syllables and stresses can be a downright pain, but the end result is worth it I promise. I would change a few prepositional choices and punctuation to add clarity and direct your audience. Try "echo of his fall" instead of "with." Try "call" instead of "thrall" and "ELdritch" instead of "eldridge." Like I said I really do like it and the direction it is headed in. Feel free to ignore me. I can never quite fiddling with my own verses. Cheers! more »
LikeReply10 months ago

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"The Insane Humpty Dumpty" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/162682/the-insane-humpty-dumpty>.

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