My Own Regrets

The darkened sadness that lingers from within, the depths of despair, of pain, of aggony that I feel ingulp me, as well as well as feeling as I have cause the same  miltiplying the intensity even more to the shadows that hover me. The wondering, the not knowing if things will ever be as they were.
Tears run down my face, pouring, gushing from within even when my face is dry.  The hopes of rekindling the bond that was rapped so tightly so, only to be broken, shattered into pieces so small that the thought of it all being places back together seeming almost hopless.  To think, know that what my children and I depleted, gone, taken away all because of me. The heartache that I know I will always feel from abandonment in which they recieved for so long only to return to only a portion of the mother they once knew, pieces ripped away from, pain that indulged me, my innerbeing, only to return to them distant. I am here, they are not, understandable at the most. Not at all an unfamiliar feeling to me. Years feeling sorrow, darkened blackness to only force and fake smiles in which I coulndt almost make. Trying to keep the parts of my close by, knowing that completely lost there would be no voyage home, no mother at all for them to even get to reknow, or even wish to be close by to.
Many times feeling gulped in sadness , darkness, heartache to only feela mirror shadow of myself, yet I make myself smile. Being lost many times in a prison of my own mind, a prison in which one could never know was possible, more horrorfying that even to the ones you would see on the television. You become your own prisoner, prisoner of for crimes never dreamed, never forseen, never imagine, even for ones that never happened, and yet your minds finds ways to punish you, reap away your sanity you at once would of taken for granted. A prisoner in which you vow to never become again. Loosing sight of whats real around you, from the things you hear to see, one dramatic thing to another, feeling like no one you ever known. Wondering how you ever made it back, back to yourself, back to the biggest part of you while still dealing with left behind parts that come and go. Parts that make no sence to you or anyone else.. Wondering what would happen next. Scrammbled minds that you can never understand. Your mind wonders in places never dreamed, and for some unescapable.. hearing things never herd before, or even seen before, being the only one to see or hear.  And only when you are able to take back control can you break free from it, free from somewhere  you should have never wondered into and vow to never again.