EMOTIONS

LAYING THERE CRYING AT NIGHT WISHING THAT YOU COULD SEE THE TYPE OF WOMAN THAT I REALLY AM. I WAS SCARED OF GETTING HURT AGAIN BECAUSE OF THE PAST RELATIONSHIPS. BEING BEATEN ON FOR NO REASON, CHEATED ON BECAUSE THEY DID NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WANTED (ACCORDING TO THEM) LIED TO, BELITTLED, MANIPULATED TO THINKING I WAS THE PROBLEM WHEN IN REALITY IT WAS THEM. MY LOVE IS NEVER FULLY NOTICED NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES AND WAYS I TRY TO SHOW IT. IT'S DAMNED IF I DO AND DAMNED IF I DON’T. EVERY TIME I THINK I'M WINNING I GET SLAPPED IN THE FACE. I KNOW THAT I COME TO YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND YOU HAVE TAKEN THE KEY. EVERY OUNCE OF LOVE THAT I HAVE HAS GONE TO YOU BUT YET I’M NOT LOVING YOU RIGHT. ONE MINUTE YOU ARE OVER THE MOON FOR ME THE NEXT YOU START COMING AT ME LIKE I AM THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD.
MY HEART WAS BUILT TO LOVE NOT HURT. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE MY HEART ALWAYS GETS BROKEN INTO PIECES FOR NO REASON. I AM ALWAYS AT FAULT FOR EVERYTHING EVEN THOUGH MOST OF THE TIMES IT’S NOT EVEN MY FAULT. I TRY TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE EVERYONE IS BUILT DIFFERENTLY. THE WAY I LOVE MAY NOT BE THE SAME AS THE OTHER PERSON. BUT I AM NOT GOING TO CHANGE HOW I AM BECAUSE THAT IS ME. EVEN IF I GET HURT EVERYTIME I KNOW MY WORTH AND I KNOW WHAT I BRING TO THE RELATIONSHIP.
THE LOVE I GIVE IS UNCONDITIONAL WITH NO END BECAUSE THAT’S THE NEVER ENDING LOVE THAT I WANT TO GIVE. I’VE LEARNED TO SEE THAT THERE ARE NOT MANY PEOPLE THAT KNOW HOW TO ACCEPT THE TYPE OF LOVE I WANT TO SHARE. THE LOVE YOU SHARE IS THE SAME WHICH IS WHAT TOOK MY BREATH AWAY BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW THAT THERE WOULD BE SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX TO LOVE ME THE SAME BACK. MAYBE IT IS ME THAT IS SCARED TO HAVE SOMEONE LOVE ME THE WAY I LOVE. IDK BUT THE ONE THING THAT I DO UNDERSTAND IS A BROKEN HEART.
IT FEELS LIKE AN NEVER ENDING PAIN AND A CONSTANT REMINDER THAT YOU ARE ALIVE BECAUSE IT HURTS SO BAD. WHEN YOU ARE HAPPY YOU FORGET HOW AWFUL THAT PAIN FEELS TILL YOU EXPERIENCE IT AGAIN. AND THE MOMENT YOU DO, YOU WISH THAT YOU WERE NOT ALIVE BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH MORE PAIN YOUR HEART CAN TAKE. THEY DO SAY THAT SOMEONE COULD DIE OF A BROKEN HEART. I KNOW THAT I WAS DESIGNED TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY AND IT SUCKS BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE A CURSE. THE MOMENT YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS FINE AND YOU ARE ON CLOUD NINE TO GET SHOT DOWN AND BELITTLED KNOWING THAT YOUR INTENTIONS WAS NEVER TO HURT ANYONE.
THAT IS ONE THING I CAN NOT DO IS HURT SOMEONE THAT I LOVE. THAT IS NOT ME. WHEN YOU SAY YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING IN YOU POWER TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE OK. WHY? BECAUSE THAT IS LOVE. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TO THE POINT THAT IT HURTS AND WOULD MAKE A PERSON GO INSANE.