Believing A Need To Want

When much younger and thinking,
I needed it to want,
Kisses, hugs and repeated touches.
Validated I had been that one.
You know,
That 'only one'?
Kept to keep so special,
In the mind of someone.
Who too believed,
I was a gift to them given blessed by God.

Yet they were not convinced by this.
To believe it true.
Since my attempts to walk across,
A swimming pool full of water.
Nearly drowning myself.
Left me screaming for help.
Then to hear it said from the mouth,
Of a child much younger wading with others.
It would be better to use my feet,
Walk slowly to the edge of the pool.
Climb the few steps then get out.

My needing to impress,
Children tossing a ball.
Back and forth to themselves.
Had not been successful as I wanted it to be.

'Just how young were you then?'

My mother use to take us to church alot.
And it was in Sunday School,
All of us went to learn what Jesus did to do.
When one of the deacons mentioned,
How Jesus would turn water into wine.
And also walked across water too.

So...
My mother use to buy,
Manechevitz wine.
And one time a bottle she bought.
I poured the wine out and filled the bottle,
With water.
Then to say to her,
Believe and you shall receive.

'What you have said is not true at all.'

How do you know?

'You have said,
Over and over again...
Living in the projects just how poor,
Your family had been then.
That your mother had put,
Cold water in glasses.
Then telling you to pretend,
It was kool-aid.
And the lima beans you all ate,
Pretend you were eating steak.
What other lies you want to exaggerate?'

Well...
Think about this.
If I had not kept,
My own thoughts to keep them dreaming...
Anything is possible to believe,
My dreams can come true.
I would have never become a writer.
To capture the imaginations
Of readers like you.

'Hey.
Don't go there.
You have asked me to look for word usage.
Proper spelling and appropriate language.
And to assist in the editing.
With it done to clarify what it is you intend,
To say to the reader.
Leaving the reader to comprehend.
And understand your thinking process.'

And...
I have not done that?
Is that what you are saying?

'I am saying,
I have known you....
For years personally to believe,
You would not go out of your way...
As if desperately seeking attention to get.'

Okay.
I accept that.
And to a degree I agree.
But...
Aren't we all living in desperate times?

'It's not easy dealing with...
Writers evaluating,
Conversations they have with themselves.'

But you know what?

'What?'

Many seek professional paid therapists.
And writing, fortunately, is my therapy.
To be cost effective and much cheaper,
Than explaining the value,
Of what writing is for me to be.
Now...
Stop trying to confuse me,
As to how my approach...
Can be better if corrected!

'So...
What about,
A Believing A Need To Want Someone Special
In Your Life To Adventure And Explore,
Possibilities.'

Still a wish.
Still a want.
Still a dream to imagine can come true.
I'm no fool to imagine anything less.