Predator

She took a part of me when she touched me there

I was a child, in despair

My life has become a fog, a memory which blocked the air

My soul wrapped up in some kind of cloudy stratosphere

Trying to escape became a lost cause, and the cancer grew and grew

She makes me want to lose my bowels, to throw up the memory

To vomit out the disgrace of touching one little boy

Whose life had only just begun, spinning his wheels in his adult life

Like a spider catching its own prey, a cannibal eating his own soul

And now my pants are soiled, I'm whining from the pain of never being heard or seen for what I am

A victim compromised by some horny pedophile predator

And it was a she, this much I know

He blames himself for mistakes later in life, but would they had happened had she never touched his penis in her hands

Told later on to be a toxic man, to screw whomever he can

I respect females and simultaneously want to tear them down to scratch

Back to the beginning, always, spinning and spinning

How do I make it up to myself? How do I heal that little boy?

Put it on Jesus? Tell Him how I feel?

But why won't society see me for who I am

That poor little boy, touched by a woman

That poor little boy, feeling the wrath of life

That poor little boy, thinking he must be Jesus

Holding the world up, trying to rescue it from itself

He has seen unimaginable horror, men who rape, women who touch

He's been lost and alone

But somewhere in all of this, there is the solace, knowing he can get through

He has a good father, good friends

Labeled schizophrenic and paranoid his whole life

Not knowing who to trust in a sea of predators

All he sees are people's flaws, never the goodness

Never the kindness which has rescued him countless times in the past

He wants to forgive her, he didn't know the pain would come in so many waves

He thought it was over

I want to forgive this woman, but I don't even know her name

And his sex is so flawed and broken now, he doesn't even know what sex means anymore

It's like the experience of being broken so bad as a little one has made him a paranoid adult

Oh well

Life keeps going

He can't will it to stop

And he must keep going

With the courage he must render to keep existing

Despite the pain, fear and tragedy

Just keep going, son. I'll be there for you. I'll be there. We'll get through this. I know how much it hurts. I am your soul and we will win this fight. And continue our journey. Together.

God bless you, little one

Come to with me. Hold my hand. And let's jump off that rock into the great unknown. Together. Forever and always. Amen