Like the Girls in School

1. The Daze
Do you remember when
We used to hold hands
And how you’d say things just to drag me down
Why did you want
So badly in your heart
To break me up
And tear me in two
I’m in a daze now
Amen

2. Pretty Hair
I didn’t tell on you
The same as the girls in school
The one who came to me
And said,
 “My, you have pretty hair.”
She made me smile, she made me glow
 even though
It was only for
A short instance
I smiled and watched her

Laugh and skip away
Onto share with the other
A jump for joy,  a hoot and a holler
And then I felt
the gum
In my hair
             And my smile
My smile diminished,
diminished away
I’d been fooled!

3. The Fat Girl
Never and to this day
Do I understand the mistreatment
I’d faced
Yes, I was the fat girl
how they loved to point it out
And that is when life was given
To my dysmorphic body image
I never fought back
I was a fat girl

Yes This was true
If only they had stopped
To take a moment in thought
That maybe I
had mommy issues too

4. The Fat Girl Takes Two
I never found that in myself,
A joy in being shameless and
cruel
It was a foreign thing
 to me,
 you see
I was never like the girls in school
Nor was I ever considered “cool”
I still remember
the lonely summer breaks
And how I was never picked
I still hear the disappointment
Of the boys making teams
The ones who had the last pick
They’d groan and gripe  
as I was the last one left.
You’d think that I was deaf
Or perhaps I was just a thing
I had no feelings, I had no heart
Just a blob of nothingness
And that poor boy
The one forced
 to dance with me
Who kept repeating how gross
 I made him feel
How low I felt as I said, “I’m sorry.”
I wonder how the poor boy
is fairing these days

5. Hidden
Shortly after, I do recall
 the agoraphobia came in
And my mother, Debra Lynn
Didn’t think
To take me to the  shrink
Only that she was Annoyed
That I was there and would never leave
How dare I disturb her binge drinking
So I hid,
I hid away
In my room to figure life out
I would watch the kids play
But to me the risk seemed too great

6. Conclusion
I am sorry that nowadays
 I may take things the wrong way
I may take your love for more  than what it is
I was starved of acceptance
And I had no friends
So even a tad bit will get me lit
Please forgive me for
The humorously immature mindset


And I think of this
As I hold your hand
By the pool
Knowing that
You’re just like
      The girls in school