SIR SLEEP

SIR SLEEP!
Oh sleep my dear sweet sleep,
Do you remember me and the good old days
When there wasn't a nightmare in sight,
And every chance we got we'd fraternised
The bed wasn't broken it was warm
It was welcoming with a guaranteed 7 to 10 hours  
Those nights were the best and I pray for the days to end so nights like that can please return  
I think the bed has become dreary, tired and weary, where springs have sprung
This time we truly bang up the elephant and took it for granted CHUCKABOO
When the bed wasn't broken and not up to dick and breaking my back
So now it keeps me tossing and turning, stuck lying there awake
Tell me dear sleep are you a Kruge-spoof, Full of deceit and treachery?
What force keeps you forcibly away from thee unless I'm able to slip away
For a secret rendezvous even if just for a minute  I beg maybe even two
Hoping I can drift off, For a sneaky little late afternoon snooze, just a little nap
Oh how times have changed, truly passing time has changed
I watch it relentlessly as it tick toks by so slowly through the silence of the night,
And awake I remain, why damfino I'll be damned if I know
left to daydream, well it's actually night dreaming I guess but I'm awake
I'm now completely fifteen puzzled,
But I do No I want no more nights laying awake wondering where my sleep has gone
you could be sending another woman to sleep instead of I are you now a gal sneaker
Is that the reason you leave me without any sleep, without a snooze or even a slumber,
Are you Twitterpated, or simply courting each other?
because you definitely escorted another, other than I to the land of nod
Maybe this is the truth and you've simply squandered your skill
Unlike the days gone yonder, now there's not even a scintilla of your ability left
My dear sleep, I pray that you answer me, honestly and don't sell me a dog,
As I cannot continue with these sleepless nights having Collie shangles with myself
Praying for even just a wink to see if thou has forsaken me?
As I lay awake not a z in sight and you sir sleep I  cannot seem to find,
Have you got the morbs, Or fled as you can no longer send me off to sleep soundly,
Cant get me off like you used to has thee become poked up? Embarrassed
Unable to perform Is that it? Has thou deserted me in my time of need
Well then So be it! Awake I will remain, but remember this dear sir sleep
Red bull gives you wings so I shall crash into the land of nod if I have to
And I shall get there with or without you. Too!!!

Glossary
Bang up to the elephant: This phrase originated in London in 1882, and means “perfect, complete, unapproachable
Chuckaboo: A nickname given to a close friend.
Not up to Dick: Not well.
Kruge-spoof: Lying, from 1896.
damfino: This creative cuss is a contraction of “damned if I know.”
fifteen puzzled: Not the game you might be familiar with, but a term meaning complete and absolute confusion.
gal sneaker: An 1870 term for "a man devoted to seduction.”
Twitterpated: Love-struck, besotted; infatuated, obsessed. Also: excited, thrilled. 1942 P. Pearce et al. Bambi
Yonder: Yonder is an old-fashioned way to say, "Over there.
Scintilla: a tiny trace or spark of a specified quality or feeling.
"a scintilla of doubt"
Don't sell me a dog: Popular until 1870, this phrase meant “Don’t lie to me!” Apparently, people who sold dogs back in the day were prone to trying to pass off mutts as purebreds.
Collie shangles: Quarrels. A term from Queen Victoria’s journal, More Leaves, published in 1884: “At five minutes to eleven rode off with Beatrice, good Sharp going with us, and having occasional collie shangles (a Scottish word for quarrels or rows, but taken from fights between dogs) with collies when we came near cottages.”
Morbs: GOT THE MORBS was Victorian slang for temporary melancholia.
poked up: Embarrassed
Thou: form of you, as the singular subject of a verb.