My frenemy, ana.

Dull, are my eyes as I stare into my reflection,
All light and hope has withered into nothingness.
My mind, my body,
My worst enemy.
As the years pass everything changes.
So why doesn't my perception?

I'm not worthy, she says
Not enough, too big, too small, too wide, too round, too loud, too quiet, too nice, too mean
Too much.
Everything is too much.
I feel like screaming, tearing off my skin
Kicking, scratching, screaming, punching my reflection until my skin is red with blood.

Constant pull and tug at my brain as I stare
At my starved and beaten body and mind.
What's worth living for if food is my enemy.
Crying about one of the sole things keeping me alive and yet I'm ungrateful for this bread that 'God' gifted me.
Crying on the floor over a carrot.
Pathetic, stupid, worthless, ugly
Helpless.
Help
Help me please.
I'm stuck in my head, the only way of escape
Would be to cease my existence altogether.

When will this war end?
I ask myself,
Will this war end?