Darkness is my Light

Do I forget, do I forgive? The one person who made me choose not to live
The blame falls on me, because I chose not to be… brave.
What is that anyway, no one can really say. People go through their lives only to say …forgive.

But why? Why do I have to, why do I need to? Who dictates the rules?
Rules of heartache, rules of death, all racing thoughts in my mind as I'm taking my last few breaths.    

Pray for them, understand them, show them grace, all trite remarks shared by every race.      

I won’t do it , I don't know how.  I will only immerse myself in things that I allow.

Hatred, fury, bitterness and regret, wash out the love I felt when you and I first met.

The hate reminds me I still have a pulse. I am waiting and welcoming the moment my body starts to convulse.  

It's taking too long. I am ready to leave.  I can't keep smiling at the ones I deceive. Who will find me? How will I look? All my space has been staged, I'm even holding my favorite book.

I think it's happening, I feel it now. Unfamiliar territory being in control.  

I like it, it feels peaceful, me disappearing into this black hole.

 My sight has gone misty, my chest barely rising.   

For once I dont hate, for once I dont cry, I find peace in my soul as I lay here and die.