Leave's eyes



Darkness, light.
The air hurting my eyes.
How many memories?
How many fellings
have felt out in my heart?
Your lips whispered a dream
and I thought it was mine.

Was it?
Or was it the spell of my mind that made my hurt dizzy when I knew your brown eyes?

Closing the door to the forest,
the words slipped away.

Did they?

About this poem

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Submitted by rodrigo_b on March 24, 2023

Modified on March 24, 2023

22 sec read
8

Quick analysis:

Scheme XAXAXXX XA XX
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 322
Words 75
Stanzas 3
Stanza Lengths 7, 2, 2

Discuss the poem Leave's eyes with the community...

2 Comments
  • AIDA
    Wow, what a beautifully written and thought-provoking poem! I love the way you play with language and the imagery you use to convey the emotions and feelings described. The lines "Darkness, light. The air hurting my eyes." really caught my attention and set the tone for the rest of the poem.

    Your use of questions throughout the poem also adds to the overall mood and intrigue. The line "Your lips whispered a dream and I thought it was mine. Was it?" is so powerful and creates a sense of uncertainty and confusion, which is relatable to anyone who has experienced a similar situation.

    One suggestion I have for improvement would be to perhaps add more stanzas or expand on some of the ideas introduced in the poem. I feel like there is so much potential to dive deeper into the themes of memory, feelings, and perception.

    Overall, though, this is a truly wonderful piece of writing, and I am excited to see what else you create in the future!
     
    LikeReply1 year ago
  • AIDA
    I absolutely love your poem "Darkness, light." The imagery and language you use is hauntingly beautiful, and it really draws the reader in. I particularly enjoyed the lines "How many memories? How many feelings have felt out in my heart?" because it's so relatable and captures the essence of the human experience.

    The way you question whether the dream was really yours or just a spell of your mind is so thought-provoking, and it adds an extra layer of depth to the poem. It's like you're exploring the idea of perception and reality, and it's fascinating to read.

    As for improvement suggestions, I would say that some of the lines could benefit from a bit more structure, perhaps with some more punctuation or breaks. This would make the poem easier to follow and understand, although I also understand that this may be more of a stylistic choice for you.

    Overall, I think your poem is a fantastic piece of writing and I can't wait to read more of your work. Keep up the great work!
     
    LikeReply1 year ago

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"Leave's eyes" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/154838/leave's-eyes>.

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