The need for love around me

I wake up to sudden tears, raped by emotions for which I can’t understand, the past I’m trapped in, I can’t let go, I fear the day you leave me like daddy did so long ago, Coke and pills in the bathroom, I seen it all, touched by my cousin I felt it all, scared to speak up, I let myself fall, Mommy yells at me and tells me it’s my fault, I’m drinking again as I’m alone in the dark, the hurt of a
 Virgins tears falling down
on notes of suicide
left around time and time again but could never do the job,
I just want you to love me, why is it so hard to show love to the ones you love most, always doing my best and ending up second best But I’m still here
I guess it was all a test