My spirit

Standing on the shoreline I find myself searching,
I smell the crisp spring air, the cold creeping up my back, and I see the fog slowly lifting as the morning sun rises,
The mother loon is making her way down the river with her babies,
And I begin to reflect on who I am and where I am today.
I smile in awe, an overwhelming sense of joy fills my heart, as I am present in the moment,
Smiling at nature and all of its beauty, in this special place I call home.
I reflect back and think about this young girl, I barely recognize her and her green eyes,
She was wounded and hurt, she looks sad and lonely.
I reach out to hug her and tell her how much I love her, I brush her golden hair away from her face and tell her its ok, it won’t hurt forever. I want to guide this little girl home.
I feel her pain, it extends into my being, feelings of disappointment,
A painful rock deep inside, its filled with worry and regret, and an awful gross feeling,
Someone hurt her. A few people actually, they took something from her that was sacred and instead left her with this feeling, this gift they left made a giant dark hole and left a void where love once stood.
I reach out to touch her and she moves away, she’s across the river- I can’t swim across because the river is too cold, I won’t make it and I will drown.
So instead I smile, and I whisper I love you, and she smiles back. This girl is far away now, she seems to be moving further and further away.
I stop and look around, my shows have disappeared and my feet are in the mud, feeling cold – I whisper to creator and ask her to send me love and warmth, and before I know it I hear the word “giizaagin” and my feet begin to warm.
Creator just spoke in the language, Anishinaabe, she said I love you and she began to warm my toes.
Gracefully I step back onto the dock and I say miigwetch, thank you.
Its time for me to retreat, for me to let go of all that pain, I reach down to touch the water – I rinse my face with the fast moving, cold, spring water and I feel it wash away all that pain.
I suddenly feel lighter, weightless almost and I know that this is creator, mother earth taking care of me and helping me. I decide to drink it, I reach for my cup and fill it, the cold water stings my throat but I feel it washing away the pain inside as it moves within me.
I hear it again, “giizaagin, giizzagin, GIIIIIIZZAAAAAGIIIIINNNNN” loudly echoing down the river,
She is telling me she loves me loudly. I look up, across the river there is a group of people smiling and waving, its my ancestors – my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, and some I don’t recognize and they are waving proudly.
I feel my heart begin to pound deep inside my chest, my eyes shedding tears, and I feel all that ugly pain making its way out of me, they are helping me.
I reach down to touch the water, it ripples where my hand was and when I look up they are gone, they have vanished. I am reminded of the present, spring and all of its beauty.
The birds chirping in the trees, the scent of spring making its way into my nose, my nose is cold from the spring air.
I turn around and begin to walk up the hill, the dew on the grass is chilly making my feet wet, I reach down and pick up a plant, mishkiki- medicine.
I put it in my mouth and I hear it once more, this time softly “giizaagin” – I love you,
And I remember who I am, where I come from and that all I need is right here with me,
The air, the water, the plants, it is me, it is inside of me, its my ancestors, its my spirit,
And I am home. My spirit has finally come home.