Is it cruel to be kind?

it was a beautiful addiction
when it began
at the eastern wall, I lied  
with my spider monkeys  
going on 300 weeks so far
accumulating new pollution on my side
bleeding excess black
words I find unnamed
meanings untagged, marked in red
phrases hit me; I’m bruised & blue
some tamed, just come along  
walking the green  
I’m so color-full.
===
misery awaits today like a good friend
rushing me into the mood
to filter my thoughts that  
there is no such thing as the world  
is enough, to have you is,
until I sleep....  
===
what a lie
I’ll meet the creeper
wherever I may roam
on the flip side of the world
to give up the ghost,
for I’m not permitted to want
just accepting what was given
then I’ll be fine again
when I go with the flow down below
because I prayed that I wanted you to want me  
beside you on an angry throne
to secure rain when I die
to wash me away
to the gutters of your eternity...
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wishful thinking,
like my friend of misery
what a waste of me to be
misguided & sober
when all I just wanted is you  
to break you
to have you as my weakness  
& I’m failing,
what kind of mercy are you on?  
Is it cruel for you to be kind?
Is it cruel to be kind?   
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