The penultimate fall



Looming over my penultimate fall
I gaze further than feet, at days long ahead
Dreaming of the day I make it past
The headache of hardships
Plaguing me today.

The tower I stand on twists around
The friends and family who care
Rationalises the irrational
And makes me hate
I don’t want to hate
Yet the tower does

No one bats an eye
Wary to lock sight
And be forced to act concerned
Or risk looking how they feel,
Indifferent of me

One foot at a time, I step off
The tower of self-made doubt
My brain and my body are in agreement
For the first and last time.
Taking my time for anyone’s help
But, like always, no one does.

I follow through on my penultimate drop,
unexpectedly to everyone and now
They care.
Droplets fall down their cheeks
Whether tears or water, no one knows
Except I do, it’s water.
Tears are for sad occasions

I lie in eternal slumber
Under a slate of memories
Forged to make me look
Better than I ever did.
My final fall arrives, sooner than I thought
I die in their memories, and in their hearts.
Leaving me nothing but bones
On an slate-filled plot.

About this poem

In this poem, I try to convey my struggles with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts through the anonymity of the speaker. I depict the tower as being the mental anguish I face myself and how I push away people who care. The struggle with suicide and “being forgotten” is something I struggle strongly with, and with this poem I tried to show my thought-process and subsequent pushing away of peers. The “fake tears” and “forgotten memories” are simply the fears I hold for my passing, that people will forget. Overall, the poem addresses my fear of my own thoughts and feelings in a way that is abstract in nature, with the tower being both symbolism for my mental health and also the point of which I commit suicide from. 

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Written on January 06, 2023

Submitted by adamkanaan23 on January 06, 2023

Modified on March 14, 2023

1:05 min read
0

Quick analysis:

Scheme XXXXX XAXBBC XXXXX XXXXXC XXAXXDX DXXXXXXX
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 1,082
Words 219
Stanzas 6
Stanza Lengths 5, 6, 5, 6, 7, 8

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    "The penultimate fall" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/150936/the-penultimate-fall>.

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