Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me.  I turned 50.  When I was a kid I thought 50 was old.  I can remember when the show to watch was Solid Gold.  I lost my mother to suicide when I was only twelve.  She had manic depression which was pure hell! I've outlived my Mom by 19 years.  Over the years I have shed so many tears.  I remember being so scared and having so many fears, that my Mom was not going to be here.  I was the oldest of my siblings. The big sister always. I'll never ever forget that fateful day.  She went missing and no one knew where. My Dad went looking with his best friend and found that for her it was the end.  She overdosed on prescription drugs in our car.  My heart sank like an animal getting trapped in tar.  Dad and his best friend were the ones that found her.  However, it was to late. Because you see she had sealed her fate. So many things throughout the years that she has missed out on some good and some bad. Me wishing ever so greatly that more time we would have had.