Ghosts

My mind is dark.
Screamed my intrusive thoughts.

When I think about that night, I can smell the dust and alcohol in the atmosphere then suddenly;
cold air. Refreshing even.

For a moment everything is ok, as I get dizzier and start to fall to the ground, everything is silent. Everything is calm. I can smell blood.
Is it mine?
It’s overwhelming.
I feel at peace, I am ready to surrender myself.

Then nothing.. I lose consciousness. My last fleeting thought; this is it, I’m dying.

I awaken the next day;
everything a women should never have to encounter, I endured in a night.

I think a part of me did die that night.
I couldn’t remember a thing yet my body did,
it  tormented  me.

I think the part of me that you destroyed, the part that still lays dead inside me is starting to heal.

Now 10 years later I remember what you are and who I am not;

You are dead now and I survived.
I find comfort in your death, not knowing how it ended for you opens my mind to interpretation.

‘I hope it was painful’

I can’t keep having conversations with ghosts.

My mind is now shadowed with hollow figures of experiences felt and lived but, you can’t have shadows without a light…

…Even if it is mundane. It can still be great.

                                           - intrusive thoughts