Where are you?

I miss you to the point that I don’t know who I am
I don’t have an identity when you’re not here to stabilize me
I miss you to the point that I’d never turn my back
Not if you came back and were liable to stab
I’d never let go again, not as long as I can help it
I miss you to the point that my body is confused
We’ve never even met physically but you had such an emotional impact that my chest aches whenever I think of anything related to you
So why is it that when my chest aches I find a small smile on my face
Why is it that when that smile isn’t there, the tears return in its stead
I miss you to the point that I don’t even know what to think
To the point that I’m anxious about texting, because what if you hate me now?
What if you don’t want to talk, and I’m the only one with such dilemmas in my head
I miss you to the point
That I don’t think I’ll ever have another person like you
And it’s not like I replace people, no,
It’s that you stabilized my core when I couldn’t anymore
And I don’t think I could find someone else that did it quite the way you do
I don’t think I’m willing to start looking any time soon.
Not until I stop missing you so much
Because the hole in my chest does not wish to be filled by another
Doesn’t want someone else to try and mash their pieces inside, whether it’s a better fit or worse.
My chest doesn’t ache for anyone else, besides you.
I don’t want to miss you any more
Because it hurts so much, knowing you’d never come back
But I can’t stop missing you
Because I never want to forget all the fun times, all the times you’ve made me smile, when you filled my heart with warmth
I don’t want to forget you, not ever.
But sometimes I think it’d be better if I tried to.