Nothing Changes

My balcony was where I went for daylight and cigarettes
a slab of concrete and metal railings
with cracked and peeling paint
the colour of dull, grey drain water  
hanging from the wall
of my empty humdrum bungalow
where nothing changed
where the only visitors  
were the carpenter ants
who marched in endless lines
with just a wonky-legged bamboo chair
to take the weight of the world
off of my feet

I’d sit and gaze through the smoke
at the view that never changed
an old, leafless and dying tree
leaning dangerously close
to a utility pole
I hoped for the day it collapsed
into the power lines
ending its days in a roaring blaze
of glory
thrilling me as its final act
but it never gave up
it didn't have the guts to fall
it's just a tease
And still nothing changed

but one drizzling morning
in the last quarter
of my first cigarette of the day
a loud and unnerving flapping sound
swooped down from above
and landed next to the ashtray
a few feet away from me
making my skin shiver in fear
as the fire-orange gaze of an owl
held on to me
pulling me
to the edge of my broken chair
her prehistoric talons started hooking tightly
around what was left of my soul
I felt a beautiful warm pain as they dug in

I’m from a city
where I’d only had experiences
with humans of prey
it always surprised me that
there weren't more owls in London
because there are plenty of rodents

as I gazed in admiration
for what seemed like hours
I didn’t know if that raptor
wanted to rip me to shreds
or give me a feather
but I kept still
trying not to spook her
regardless

I’d fallen in love
completely defenceless
to her unfathomable grace
so calm and collected
but poised to adapt
in the blink of an eye
to the slightest twitch
of nature’s disarray
ready to stun all she encountered
I’d surrendered
I was encaptured
hers to kill or release

Then her eyes let mine go
and turned to the sky
as her talons loosened
she scraped my soul
leaving her mark
then her wings unfolded
and with one gentle wave  
she caught the wind
and was gone from my life
I slumped back in the chair
left to the view
that never changed

I took one last drag of my cigarette
and stumped it out
and had one last hopeful glimpse at the grey empty sky
and stumped that hope out too

because they all fly away
sooner or later
and that will never change