Alive but dead

Alive but dead

It maybe slient
But it roars all the same
The river runs dry
But I drown in them
It feels like nothing
But every thing at once
Heavy and weight less.

It's igniting and smothering
It's silencing and deafting
It's everything and nothing
But it's exhausting.

All I know is a stranger
Everything I fought against
But then welcomed
A constant but changed person
That I returned to again.

A painful comfort
I welcomed an enemy that makes me
Feel alive but dead
My enemy is self-harm