I Know That You Will Kill Me

Just watch a little more.
Just pretend it's not there.
It's not a big deal,
It doesn't bother you right?
Don't think of blood or bleeding,
Think of rotting.
Think of rotting.
Think of rotting.

Funny, how the brain works?
I feel like I'm being ripped in two.
You die quickly if you bleed out.
Maybe 3 minutes?
Maybe 6?
Rotting could take weeks, months,
Years.

I want a slow and painful death.
So I can think about my wrongs.
And wrongness.
So you can kill yourself before you die.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to die like that.
I want to die breathing in December,
On a hill covered in snow.

I think there's something really wrong with me.
Not in the way you say there is.
Why can't I close my eyes?
Why can't I breathe through my nose?
I feel like I'm dying and taking it lying down.
I always hear you out.
Why do you only ever hurt me?
What will you tell me tomorrow?