Eyes that don’t see

I observe with eyes that don’t really see
I don’t see the people when they look at me
Yet my optometrist states that I have super vision
Would I trade it all for true human connection
When in my life did I disconnect
As people have told me is my defect
My mind wanders without my direct permission
My ID and my consciousness never see fruition
To the social goals at home and at work
To be the type of person my life overtook
Failed marriage, harassing job
Someone inside me tells me I deserve these wrongs
Yet something still chimes that I’m better than this
More deserving than the abuses that come forthwith
Broken family I once held so dear
Always knew my worst fears were a clear
Future for me being forgotten and lost
From the life that I wanted leaving the life that I got
When remaining looks fade
Who am I to blame
Anyone for my shortcomings
That traversed my way
Life gives you anvils
Tied to my neck
Dooming me to the deepest
Of eternity’s foreloring regrets
These are the cards I was handed
This is what I was dealt
Swift justice, bad charma
Is all I felt
For lack of something
I never possessed
Judged and judged and judged
Through life’s toils and sweats
If there is a god
Why be so cruel
To use me for jokes
Backlash, a fool
I think I deserve better
Than the way they treat me
I wish this was different
To fall from a tree
To be forgotten
Never a joke again
Cruel hand dealt
No love for this friend.
What type of person would I be,
If I could only see.