Stay a little longer

in this moment I wish I could be someone else not in escaping my own life but to see who I would be, where I would be and how I would be feeling because right now I feel as though my very self is being pushed into a cage forced to watch someone else maneuver my life.

it feels as though I am the observer and never the one being observed constantly stuck on the outside looking in hoping someone let's me in.

if I knew what I know now 5 years ago I would have made a lot of different choices, I know not every decision is a good or bad one their just mainly decisions that alter the course of your life, I would like to believe that everything in my life was already written before I was ever thought of but I can't I just feel like I'm fumbling in the dark, slurring my words and misinterpreting my feelings. I would like to have a different story, a different plot even be a different protagonist but I can't.

I guess I knew things wouldn't always be easy but why does it hurt worse than the last time as if each time you go through bad periods it's a different torture method each one worse than the last.

with each scar comes a story right? but why do the stories seem repetitive?