Half human

I open my eyes for the first time ever
Starting my life with curiosity and terror
I don't know now my exact feelings back then
But I guess I have been in a bliss to have
Someone to hold me
Like I'm their entire world
Did I have any intuition
Did I have any clue at all
Was I too dumb
Or deep down did I know
And ignored the facts
'Cause we all know that the first times
Will always defy logic in all the bonds
Maybe I thought
It was normal
Oh the naive me thought
It's all I can get
There were many flaws
I have overlooked
But the bottom line of it all was that

That I'm stuck with a half human
There's no escape from that
The distance will never put us apart
'Cause I have to be grateful
To the half human part

Is there an antidote
To all the toxins instilled inside of me?
Wish there was a magic pill
That could create the new we
Draining my soul in the intervals of minutes
Victimizing when being called out
Calling me names in the name of teaching me
Brushing off the indecency by telling "that's just me"
Making me believe that I can't survive
Whilst making my everday, a survival
Even a mythical demon
Would calm down
Seeing the silence
And unbotherdness I once had
But it's beyond amusing
To see the hate that I got
Nobody can get this
Because the smart ones are good at deceiving
Nobody can see

That I'm stuck with a half human
There's no escape from that
The distance will never put us apart
Cuz i have to be grateful
To the half human part

When I like few raisins
I'll be rewarded with grapes and wine
But when I crave for some love
I get the opposite
Leaves me thinking
Physical neglect might have been
Better than an emotional one
When I'm hurt by specifics
I get a millions of those same dose
'Cause my response is the satisfaction
Which welcomes those
That awareness never stops my reaction
Maybe that's a psycho thing of my own

They say, I don't try enough
Thinking I'm a pushover
But No happiness is worth
Getting consumed by all that hatred
They say,
I'm being too rude
And too ungrateful
While I'm just trying my best
To protect myself
From the half monster
Little do they know
That I'm with half a monster
Little do they know

That I'm stuck with a half human
There's no escape from that
The distance will never put us apart
Cuz i have to be grateful
To the half human part

What a waste, to give me that fundamental love
Because I'm giving you the same
and it feels so fucking forced
Good things come with a price,
that I know
But I am more worried about
The silver lining behind all these clouds
'Cause It leaves me with a choice
To be a fool or a prick
The sliver of light
That I get
From you after
You put me through all the shade
It's what bothers me the most
The light bothers me the most
Just drown me completely
I wanna have the freedom of clarity
Pulling me up time to time
Showing me the sun
Deceiving me again and again
That this time I won't get drowned
Oh but look where I'm choking now

I'm so stuck with a half human
There's no escape from that
The distance will never put us apart
Cuz i have to be grateful
To the half human part

Getting pushed around
In the name of love
Just hate me already
So I can get my peace
The twist of your words
Is making me a baby again
I should end up learning
The feelings from scratch again
There's so little human left of me
Killing it will just make me a zombie
I won't regret one bit of anything
But the sad thing is you won't either
'Cause the little ones are always on the wrong
Because they know oh So little life
But I feel like I've lived an eternity
Already so done with this presence of mine

I heard people get immune
To all the bad stuff they've been through
But how does it hurt me just the same
Every single time
I heard people adapt
To the tough things they're in
But how come I'm still shocked
Even after I saw it a thousand times with my eyes
And a million times in my head
Making me scared of every little sound
I'm terrified of hearing footsteps
Walking around
Now I hear your voice
Still in my silence
Just sitting and breathing
Makes me wonder
If I'm living my life the wrong way

Someone help me
I'm stuck with a half monster
Who's got a heart
How do I break that
Without breaking the human part
I'm stuck with a half monster
And can't escape that
Gotta stay loyal
To the human part

The trees dying in a forest
burn the others next to it
Isn't that how you got your flame
You might have succeeded to burn
maybe one of them
And I want to chop myself
Before I pass on your inflammable flame

Gullible, forgiving, faithful,
That get the best of me
Broken promises, one day tries,
Gave me false hopes with stars in my eyes
And yet I end up here
Micro sized in front of your foot
Getting walked over by your
Shoe full of love
"Don't go back"
"Don't go back"
I tell myself "don't go back"
And yet I come back like there's gravity
Because I'm stuck with a half human
Forced to be fair to the human part

I'm living with half a human
Wishing to live with a whole monster
I'm stuck with a half human
Oh how could I ever let go
Of the human part
The distance and
Indifference
Can never put us apart
Cuz there's still a human
That is left inside
In both of us