DRUM FOR HIRE

DRUM FOR HIRE

Yesterday night I hired an isukuti drum,
You see,
All my friends own their drums,
And sadly mine broke into pieces some months ago.

Everytime my next door neighbor beats his drum in the night,
I feel jealous,
The feminine sounds it produces,
Make me turn and turn hornily in my bed,
And so angrily,
I crept into the market in the night,
To hire my own.

The drum I bought was light skinned,
Long with curly hide,
It had bulges in just the right places,
And was so beautiful that I knew my friends would turn green with envy,

However,
It's hiring price was just way too much,
And unfortunately,
Even if I had a million bob,
It was just for hire,
I could never buy it.

We struck a deal with the seller,
And so under the stark darkness,
I smuggled the drum to my room,
Removed all my clothes as is customary in my community,
And took a platefull of groundnuts in anticipation of the dance I was going to initiate.

My drum just sat there on the bed,
Waiting,
Unperturbed,
Unbothered,
And I cackled with glee imagining how hard I'd hit it,
And how loud and sweet it's music would be.

Now my kinsmen,
This is why I write to you,
Seeking your advice,
For i am deeply troubled.

You see,
Despite all the energy I used to hit that isukuti drum overnight,
Despite the gusto at which I directed towards it,
Never once did it produce any sound,
And even when it tried to,
Later in the night when the sheets were soaking wet in sweat,
The sound was fake,
And now thats when it hit me that I had been shortchanged.

Now advice me good men of Umuofia,
Is it my Isukuti drum that is too used?
Too loose?
Or is it my drum stick that is too short?
And too feeble and weak in girth and stamina?
Or God forbid,
Am I not a skilled drummer as I presumed?
My kinsmen,
I salute you!