The hidden me!

I have a daily fight with my own thoughts,
Seems diving into pain without stop.
I wanna end all this,
I'd rather rest in peace
than living in this daily chaos.
Dealing with self-hatred is the worst,
wanna make friends but can't trust.
I stay quiet,
because I have to answer my past.
Don't laugh at anything,
thinking it's a piece of art.
Stuck in my own ideals and beliefs
looking for solution,
but I'm left isolated on an island of grief.
I don't want to write sad poems anymore,
but failure in the journey of searching myself,
tells the inner me once more.
I make 100 promises,
which gives me nothing more than bruises.
I believe, each day is a new life,
that too gets wasted from my side.
I think,I overthink
and this is how, it gives me a deeper lookout of the things,
but, I forget not to implement this on my life,
cause I know everything is momentary in life.
Smiling through the pain is a part of my daily routine,
cause I don't want to get judged by little things.
Everyday,
I think, I solved the puzzled side of me.
But again, at the end of the day,
I feel, I'm lost in searching me.
                                                 -- Ayushi Rani