Rupture

The warmth around me fades,
As familiar voices die out.
The space around me becomes cold,
Stagnant.
Empty.
It feels like I’ve dissipated into the oblivion,
Like I’ve become nothing. Like I AM nothing.
Without the distraction of noise and chatter,
Without the comfort of poking fun and laughing,
I am left alone with my thoughts.
This is the scariest place of them all.
It is scary to think alone.
This is why I try to surround myself with people.
With noise.
With anything but nothing.
Because nothing feels the worst.
Because nothing conjures images of death,
It conjures terrible thoughts, too disgusting to even describe.
When I am nothing my words die in my throat.
It is hard to breath.
It feels like someone is gripping my windpipe.
It feels like the air inside my lungs has run away,
Scared of these thoughts and images.
This is the worst part of the day.
When the veil of warmth has been lifted away,
When everything I know to be true ruptures.