Bad Mum day

I wrote this last night after having one of "those days"

"I love you good night sweet dreams"
I sigh heavy about to walk away
but then I just stand there still
as i think about our day

Your little heads rest gently,
you lay there tucked in tight
I know I failed at mum today, tommorow will be better..it just might

Maybe I should have worried less about the farm, the jobs, the mess, I should have been more patient
 I should have been my best

Today was ment to be a good day
I was set to be that mum
That speaks without scolding, that's kind and smiley and fun

I fell asleep by mistake I had million things to do. Dishes sat in the sink dirty washing scattered through every room.

I woke up quick as lightning
fear weighed heavy on my mind
 I had so much to do today but now I didnt have the time.

I rush you through your breakfast
I get you quickly dressed
I tell you to "hurry find your shoes!"
I'm a grumpy, impatient mess

I leave the cold half coffee
to sit there on the bench
 I'm stressing about doing too many things ..I'm a distracted unkept wrench

We miss the bus by seconds
I swear inside my mind
I blame you for moving too slowly
My words are thoughtless and unkind

I rush back home to tackle
all those things I'd planned to do
but I see it's time to head to work now
I leave the the house a messy unrule.

I try to think of dinner as I'm putting up a fence, I start to remember my morning now my heart floods with deep regret

It's a busy day of farming
 So many mistakes made by me
But my biggest mistake by far today
was not being the mum you need

I tell myself I'll do better when the boys come home from school
I tell myself just start again
I give myself 3 rules

I'm not to be impatient
I will not yell today
I'LL stop sweatting about the messy house that never goes away

I'm late to meet the school bus
So you walk home you know the way
I give you jobs  the moment your in
I don't even ask about your day

I cook tea and sort some washing then it's bath and teeth and bed
I stand in the doorway and wish sweet dreams as you lay down your little heads

I'm standing here knowing how much
 I failed to be your mum. I should have enjoyed each moment my sweet and precious sons

I know that you need better
 But as you lay in bed tonight
please know tommrow il try my best
to be a mum... a mum who gets it right.