in my dreams?

wake up,
open my eyes,
look at
the light from the window,
my hand,
my fingers,
is this real?
am I dreaming?
why am I existing?
and then the more important question
who am I?
why can't I answer this questions
and why am I feeling this?
holes in my heart,
exhausted brain,
numbness...
and in the other second
sad,
afraid,
NO,
not afraid,
PANIC,
terrified
from life,
from me,
from rejection,
from failure,
from people...
COLLAPSING...
now I am asking
where I lost myself?
in my dreams?