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Bottled Up

I ain't happy
Wait, what?
Look at that billion dollar smile
Yes, give it to me
Give it to me, don't hold back
Yes, that's it, that's it
There we go

You are happy
Everything looks alright to me
I ain't a doctor but your academic report says you're fine to me
Boy, you gotta reach your dreams, you gonna be who you always wanted to be
You gonna get that degree, if you continue like this, the sky won't be able to hold your wings

I know, but social life...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait...
You wanna befriend who?
You got your three pillars around you
Yeah buh, they can only hold the work that I do
They can tie my shoe, then I can run and pursue
Problem is, they can't untie my shoe, when my feet get sore
They only can assist in what I go through with regards to my roof
They know nothing about opening the door of my house and calming the war inside
The roar from the floor of my heart they can't hear
Only what the roof of my brains can pour
You can't see a tear dropping from my face
Because they've banned it to disappear
Now you know how my feelings got caged
Yeah, they got ignored cause nobody cared
And I couldn't drink some beer to let them out clear
As long as I could engage in prayer and
At the end of the year have good grades
They were happy, they would cheer
Just dare ask about a girl
Ask about anything not parallel
To wisdom, that says farewell to work
Anything that is spelt with fun
You'd feel like you in hell from the yells as they reprimand

They did a good job I thank them
I had to go through this stage unharmed
They did a very good job I didn't get harmed
And on this phase I guess I got to get sad
Never thought they were this important
Now I see the value they add

Wait, boy, I wans't done, relax, I'll give you opportunity to speak
Don't forget you have a peak you want to reach,
Having many friends will only make you weak
You're unique, too much interaction will make you slack
You gotta be different in order to achieve something different, isn't this what you seek?
Or, you wanna tell me that,
You want to live like those without a clue
Can't you see I am preserving you and your crew?
Boy you're blue, one of the few I chosen to
Rise above the rest
You gotta be the best in order to reach your quest
You know it demands more, everything that you can invest
Even if it leaves me depressed?
Wait, I said I'll give you a chance
It will pass, trust me it won't last
These are some of the sacrifices you gotta make
To get to pastures full of green grass

I ask myself, why did I have to realize this
If I didn't I'd be happy by now
I wanna do something cause I want to not cause I have to
If I don't do something, it should be from want not by compulsion
Ask me about my first year at Res
I'll tell you about transactions to second year
The meetings, the singing, all participated this year

Help me see what I once saw
Show me that this is a bath
Because I feel like I'm sinking
I fear going back
For this has happened many times
I always went back
And after sometime it occurred again
Looks like I never overcame
Meaning it was just shoved into the back like every feeling else
I fear again to go forward
I don't know what it entails
Looking at the cover, it's not something I'll like
I've always tried to avoid while I thought I could do
Now I think I can't
And this is my limits
I've reached them, I'm happy
Come, come, take over
For the sky isn't what I saw
Don't you know in the night you see the furthest skies
You see the stars, with distances counted by light years
Don't you know that always being happy obstructs your view
You see stars bigger and brighter than the sun only in the night
You see all the possibilities and not only just one that the sun provides
Joy comes in the morning, well, you can't know joy if you don't know how to be sad
Why are there so many sky lights during the night and one during the day
The blue sky is a beauty, yes
Even sunrise and sunset are gorgeous
But the people who study the skies not the weather
Wait until its night and dark
To display the beauty that lies in the skies of the universe
And we all agree to this, that though the background is dark, say black
Auroras are prepossessing
The universe is alluring
The sun is good, God's not a fool, why did He make night?
For night is equally as beneficial
Funerals are better than parties
For the battle field is better than comfort zone
In order to grow, you need to grow
You need to be in the night

I think I got a wrong idea to this
I wish I had a mentor, maybe I wouldn't have missed
No one really said don't go out and play
When they said live a little everyone went and lived more
Don't blame me for staying indoors
I couldn't go out call my decay a play
I do admit a made a mistake in this
I thought if I stayed inside all day
I wasn't making a decision
It turns out not deciding it's a decision on its own
All I regret is the experience I missed
For now I look for it, it feel like it's too late
As I walk on the streets will I get the opportunity to meet
Experience, will I greet you if I meet you
Or will I continue to beat, up myself feel like I'm incomplete?
Or should I stay in my lane and watch its fate
I wonder if I stay and watch who actually dictates
I wonder what the fate looks like if I don't know the taste of a date
Not really sad about it, I'd hate for it to be in a Spaza shop
Will God provide all these as the antiques have said?
Looking for one feels like I doubt that He said wait
It was easy then without a spark that locks you in a state which... wait
You all know let's not pretend we've not been there

The journey's been hard
Don't do anything that is close to sin
Keep guard against
Anything that gets them suspicious
So to walk with a girl across the street
Was a crime, if they saw you you'd have to serve time
But they allow you to watch PG 13 movies
Where you see white kids on their first dates at thirteen
Their first kiss then, but expect yours to be on your wedding day
At times it wasn't because you didn't want to
But because you feared to
Adults view kids as stupid
Took their views and got rid of everything they forbid
Well life was bid to get everything right according to them
As they might know more, they know not everything
Come this side, life's got wings, and they taught you of roots
Their teachings were good but they missed shoots but expected fruits
I don't want to lie, I'm still confused
What's sin what's not
You don't give people Jesus you give them rules
You ban normal behavior and leave us bottled up
Full of fear, without cheer, looks like you don't care
As long as they are there on a Sunday
Your monitors say they still pray
It's fine, it's well, praise be to God
If they make a mistake, or do experiment
The theme of the preaching is on hell

The bottle will crack one day
Can't you see the many that have left their bottles and held on to bottles with with alcohol
And now you give examples and say don't fall like so and so
You can't tell me you fail to see their souls want God
But they're afraid because you'll light up the coal, roll them over and start to roast them?
I thought it was the devil who does that?
Let's not judge but continue with the poem
And when the bottle breaks, it'll be a mess all over
It's not your responsibility to make them live right
Jesus is the light to bring the delight to do what's right

I ain't happy
I can hear my heart's dissatisfaction
What's wrong, am I sad you ask.
Everything seems alright, more than alright
I can see that work is no fun and my heart seeks something to its delight
Though it fights to reach it can't because the thing is in the night
Every time it fails to reach what's on its sight it falls into quite a despair
I was told the fullness of joy is in the Lord and is not found at any place elsewhere
I felt the joy in the Lord, but how can we make my heart to be aware
Aware that it will end up in tears if it continues to bare its desires?
I can hear it as it pulse its feelings to my brain as it says I have joy all I want is to be happy
I want it, even if its a nightmare, from it I'll learn
Give me a share, let me burn maybe I'll never touch the fire again
For I heard the fire burns, it's so bright, I feel like I don't care
As I look at the blind and unaware, it seems as if they are fire proof
Like the fire brightens them up, it dries their tears
My heart did a good job to convince me I want to be happy
I'd love if it comes from my working pants again
I still believe in my brains, I still believe it'll rain
I will reap a harvest for work is not in vain
With no pain you'll get no gain
Connect me to the vine, as a branch fruits I'll attain
Don't lock me up in my social chamber
It's inevitable that I'll escape
Show me that I can and I won't if I shouldn't

In all I have one question
Why pop up know, why not then
Possibly it wasn't time
This is just a feeling, it flies
I can wake up to find that it fled
Don't take me seriously but here is my plea
Take it away or help me satisfy so I can be free

About this poem

The idea is to write about God, friendship, love

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Written on 2018

Submitted by proxj707 on July 24, 2022

9:40 min read
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Rifumo, Mzimba. more…

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    "Bottled Up" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 6 Dec. 2022. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/132512/bottled-up>.

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