I Thought He Saw Me

I thought He saw me

I finally met someone I thought he saw me. He looked at me differently. His speech towards me was careful. What I thought were mutual feelings weren’t. I thought he saw me. I thought a connection had formed. He knew just what to say. He knew how it would make me feel. In all reality I was fooling myself. I saw what I wanted to see. To be seen made me feel alive. To be seen made me want to live. It wasn’t the compliments but the thought that someone actually admired who I was. Could see past my hurt and my pain. I thought he saw me but I guess I saw what I wanted to see.

Why go so hard to be ultimately disappointed. The way he spoke to me changed. The way he touched me didn’t feel the same. Even when we’re together his presence still felt absent. I fell for this man who I thought sought me out. I fell for this man whom I thought was seeking for love. I fell for this man who wasn’t looking at all. Someone to fill an empty space. I fell for this man who clearly walked in blind. I fell for this man where love is actually blind. I fell for this man who’s feelings had no grip. I fell for this man who gripped my heart but not too tight.

I could tell laying next to him his feelings didn’t match mines. I could tell that his interest had became unknown. Yes we had intimacy but no real source of romance. I could tell that what I thought was true intimacy was a choice to be with someone just intimately. Sex isn’t a big deal we choose who we lay with. But for me sex is supposed make you feel wanted and make you feel needed. Sex is a form of expression. Love is an action word. I thought sex meant he loved me. I guess it was a dream. I guess it was my dream. I guess he just doesn’t see me. I guess how I feel my feelings aren’t valid. I thought he saw me. He never really did.