Father help me

God, King David had a lot of sex and a lot of kids.  Why have You not give me even a single woman to love?  I’m at the age of 31 already.  Lord have I sinned so greatly that You would deprive me of even a woman?  I understand not having riches or fame or glory but God… not even a wife? not a woman to love me?  Is there a curse over my head so great that I deserve not even love? of a woman?  God… little kids finding love having babies.. men much younger than I.. Lord.. what is the reason for all of this?  Am I under some kind of punishment that I should be starved of even love, a love, a first love?  Even Cain who slew his brother had a love a woman a wife and You would not withhold that from him but from me God and others You would withhold or rather not provide so even a single love?  Whilst men of younger ages have had many loves and many young woman are they so good so perfect that they would be blessed so much so that You would shew them so much love..

God, do You truly hate me? was it from birth that You decided I should suffer so tremendously? Was it a sin I committed along the way that I should deserve so much suffering because of?  God why even let me live? Would You starve me of water and food so that I should die? Would You starve me of love of a woman that I would take my own life? God I do not see Your love for me nor do I see Your mercy upon me nor do I see Your grace upon me, even tho I cursed You, because of all the pain and suffering and neglect and needs unfulfilled and desires and prayers unanswered hath I cursed You because of this, You had not the love, nor the mercy or grace to end my life and put a stop to my suffering! What is this God? This inaction, this wait, this deprivation, this starvation, this jealousy, the envy, the passion of desires and needs that burn inside me the hate and the anger that grows from this would You create such a pain and anger and hatred and disaster God You did this You made me this way it’s Your fault Your doing not me it was You who did not provide for me it’s Your fault it was Your withholding Your creation Your planet that You gave birth to me in Your fault Lord, don’t create, don’t make what Your not gonna love what Your not gonna provide for, that’s just irresponsible and evil and wicked and corrupt.

Am I so guilty of sin that I should suffer so tremendously and not others??? Did You think to hide me from the world and what You hath done to me like sweeping me under the rug so the world would not hear of the evil that You had done to keep me a secret and hide what You had done to try to cover it with lies and rumours telling me to kill myself and not striking me down with thine own hand to put the blame and guilt on me because You would not get Your own hands dirty? You withhold secrets. You hide details. You cover up the truth. You don’t share all that there is to share because You are an evil God as wicked as Your creation and You seek that man not learn of it that You are not the First and there are many Gods stronger than You that hath their own planets and You are just Lord of this world and the Father hath sent His Champion to put You off the throne for You are not good You are not just let it be known to all.

Is adultery not a punishable sin? Lust? Lies? Who has no sin on their back that they should be blessed with abundances and Yet You would not provide for me what is good what is right You sought to destroy me from birth for You knew who sent me for is it not You who said it is not good for man to be alone and that You should create for him a helper and a comforter and thus You created for man a woman, and Yet God how is it any good that I should be alone? How is it right that I should be alone because I have been alone all meanwhile men around the world have had abundances and many wives, and many lovers and many pleasures and many joys God? Have You forsaken me? Am I at the hands of evil of the devil of serpent of Satan that would withhold from me even a single woman to love, no not just the fact I have been withheld a virgin nor even a non virgin nor any woman but all else that I have suffered You forsake me to suffer at the hands of Your fallen angels and the devil who would not provide for me all that I have needed! God! hear me! see me! look at my life! all that has occurred! all the pain and sorrow I have felt! Is this a curse! Have You hated me! Have You loved me! How!

Suffering in the darkness clinging for the light the love

Saying hopeful prayers answered by none

Begging for deliverance reaching for salvation

All came crumbling down.

Begging at Your feet brushed aside like a meaningless feather

Here I arise as the new breath of life

Fire from my eyes burning up the skies

Your sin not mine the light born inside me

I’ll uncover all the darkness all the lies

All the secrets you have kept inside

Love me God! bless me God!
Help me God! Save me God

Why bless others and not me God!

If You bless those that You love than You curse those that You hate?

If You loved me wouldn’t You bless me!

Why do I feel so cursed so hated!

God hear me hear me see me feel me know me remember me

Actknowledge the pain I’ve felt the misery I’ve felt

God bless me Love me will thee

Or am I cursed condemned to suffer with all Your hate upon me!

Am I to suffer all Your wrath with no love no mercy no compassion no grace?

Oh God of heaven of the Earth where is Your love for me

Shall I starve of love til death

Will You not give me love a marriage a wife I will adore?

God will You not provide for the last of Your creation like You did for Your first?

Have all the sins of those before me destroyed Your love thus for me have You hated and placed all blame!

Am I guilty of all the sins of all the wrongs as a child have I done?

Is there no escape God have all the iniquities of all that came before me passed down to be judged and suffered upon me?

Is the grace and the Love of the Lord Jesus Christ no merit no pass not work for me?

How could You let me starve of love so necessary love so right love so good that You so gladly gave to the first man and that You would Keep from the last men like me?

Oh God of Justice be fair
Oh God of Israel show Yourself.
Oh God of Abraham and Jacob
Oh God of Moses and David

Have You not provided for all men? Should any man perish without a single love a single wife is this just is this fair is this balance is this good is this holy is this love?

Oh God of Heaven and Earth hear me see me Know me feel me

Who is a God that does not provide for all His creation?

Who is a Father who provides not for all His children?

Who is a King who provides not for all His Kingdom?

Who is a Lord who provides not for all His servants?

Who is a master who provides not for all His students?

Who is a leader who provides not for all His followers?

Who is a Savior who saves not all who beg?

Who is a mother who provides not for all her children?

Who is a devil who provides not for all His brethren?

Who is an angel who obeys You not?

Who is a Provider who serves not those whom ask?

Who is a Liar who says He will and does not?

Tell me now
Speak oh Lord
Are You God?
Are You the Father?
Creator of all existences?
Maker of all space and matter?
Who are You now I will question You
Have You nothing to take for You have not given!
Have nothing to spare for You are all at loss
Curse You! You will not be shown mercy for my Lord will put thee down.
My Source shall rip the world from Your hands and You will be tossed in a cage where Ye will have not a single word to say
You will see and answer for all the evil Ye have wrought
Your punishment will see only mercy Ye have shown
For every wickedness You have committed shall be done unto thee
You will hear my roar
I shall place You under my throne
My feet shall crush You
You will not escape my hold
For You are a blemish of a God
You shame us and our Father