I am!

It was decided without my consent.
Before I even started.
My fate was sealed in cement.
Of all that's happened.
To me my greatest regret.
Everyone I loved had to witness my descent.
Over and over the voice screamed.
Between my own ears.
I am,
A looser.
No longer have I anything to give.
I am,
Worthless.
No longer have I a good reason to live.
Everyday starts with that voice in my head.
But not to worry.
Just a few sips of that magic elixir.
Will put them to bed.
I will just have to keep this up until the day finally comes that.
I am,
Dead.
But instead.
The day came, the elixir no longer quieted the voices in my head.
In the blackness of night.
Left only with the feeling of dread.
A fate to me.
Much worse than death.
I am,
In great despair.
I called out to the one I'd left so far behind.
God, please help me.
Was the only prayer I could come up with at that time.
I must escape this Hell I've created in my mind.
Suddenly a peace.
A place I'd never been.
Death was beginning to descend.
Maybe this was it.
I am,
Finally at my end.
Sleep fell over me.
The best I'd had sense before it began.
When I awoke my first thought.
Was it just simply an honest prayer.
Needed for me to transcend.
Now the voice in my head.
Very quietly and simply said.
I am!