Worthlessness

I can't feel anymore
He told me to go out the door
I was dead before he met me
Cause you could hear the pain in my laugh
But alive is all you can see
I've been poisoned my whole life
Hurting people I love
Never feeling Remorse
Cause that's what's expected of me
But you can't resurrect the dead, of course
I've been cursed since birth
I let people in only to have them leave
It seems I am the problem
So I drink it away
I'm drinking his gift
$90 of wine in an empty stomach
And I feel the burn
I guess I never learn
I listen too much
But you don't understand me
Nobody will
This is the last time
I'll go into the abyss
And have it consume me
Willingly
I hate myself
These are my true feelings
I can't help but think why I'm here
I've been drinking
To erase the suffering
To numb the pain that pierced my heart
The heart you made venerably
Cause you listened and pretended to understand
But were unable
I know I didn't stand a chance
Love is a myth
Cause it escapes my grasp
My demons from the past
Keep me at bay
Cause I'm turning into one of them
Pain grief misery
Nurture me
I'm am their baby
I'll die in the fire
Praying forever
For a drop of water
I looked after myself poorly
I'm Naive
I can't seem to turn over a new leaf
You carried me around like a trophy
I'm in a loop
But you wouldn't understand
Cause I'm in my mind
All the time
I'm lost in the folds of my brain
The abyss
It's an outrage
Cause I keep running and never leave
I have a problem
And that's being so gullible that people would love me for me
But maybe wearing a mask is how it's supposed to be
From the start of time, it's what I've been wearing
Never letting someone see the real me
Cause then it'll hurt them
They become scared of how scarred I am
Trauma that doesn't need to be there
Things that shouldn't have stuck
People that have left that shouldn't have impacted me
I still drink, hoping
One day
The day That will never come
When I won't be at fault
The day when I don't make a mistake
The day when I'm dead
Is when I think people will be happy
Cause then they wouldn't have to worry
And life will go on, and I'll be forgotten
Cause life doesn't wait for anybody
Yeah, it would be better that way
And die with what I feel and not spread it like a sickness
A disease that's in me it causes torment and dread
I need to leave Cause I'm the problem
I'll burn. I'm ready; what's that compared to this
Cause the truth hurts, and I'm going to let it bleed out
That's why he told me to get out
I'm so done with life
I said I was fine
But I lied
I always do
Oh, I'll burn
Love is what keeps me alive
No drive
will ever give me that much of a high
But I'm fine, so let me suffer in that lie
I promise physically I won't die
But I'll wait
I've never been home
1yr
276days
14hrs
30min
But I'll wait
IDKW, but I was already dead
Why do I do this to myself
I relapse
I have Voices in my head
They won't leave me alone
I wish to be normal
F*ck being an empath
F*ck being a psychic
F*ck the dead leave me alone
F*ck visions
F*ck dreams that come true
F*ck life
Let me die
I can't be me
So why even try
So why live
The one home I felt safe I got banished from
My demons said, it's okay, we'll make our own home
I cant
Please help me
I need help badly
But I'm fine, remember
Next day
Merry Christmas
A reminder
To be happy
Yes, I'm happy
No hangover
The weight off my chest is
Gone
No controlling rules
No GPS sharing
I'm content
And I'm glad it ended
I now don't have things being held over my head
It's hard to kill me
I'm already dead
And that is the gift that I gave myself for Christmas
Breakups suck
God bless his soul
He didn't know what he had
But even that isn't what I see now
Realizing that he had me to make himself feel better
Cause he was proud that I liked him
But no more
As I cast this spell
He will no longer go after younger men like me
And I cast this not in anger but regret
It
Will
End
With
Me
This is what you get
God bless you