Nightmare Neverland

Everything I know has an equal that’s darker
And more damaging.
I construct butterflies in their many forms
In my everyday life.
I fold origami butterflies when I’m bored at work,
I doodle butterflies on my pages when I’m through with school,
I’m friends with people that assume the appearance of faeries;
Agonizingly beautiful and addictingly attractive.
Butterflies and faeries are childish, I know.
But they’re beautiful and free and freeing.
I read a book once where a butterfly
Collected the soul of a fallen soldier,
Bringing it to heaven.
A beautiful butterfly, ascending from death.
I get adrenaline surges at the simplest things.
When I’m happy, I get the butterflies.
When I’m sad, I get the butterflies.
When I’m angry, I get the butterflies.
But the longer I hold onto them, the more it starts to hurt.
I cling to them, so delicately.
They make me feel so light and so loved.
But these butterflies have teeth,
They cause anxiety and heart palpitations.
They carve me from the inside out.
These faeries are forbidden, but I still try to be their friends.
Their magic is dark, but I’m fooled by their welcoming arms.
I fear the butterfly that collects my soul,
Won’t be ascending to heaven.
But I can’t stop myself
From pursuing this Nightmare Neverland.