bipolar

My heart feels the pain of my decisions.
I even feel the pain of my attackers, from adolescence.
I now create all my incisions.
I  can’t breathe, My heart oh my heart it will lose feelings I see nothing left for me.  
all the lies I honestly told myself (even truly I told myself.)
I haven't inhaled  after the exhale. Surely I know this is my hell.
The lies I told became, truth to myself.
 You took me through pain I could not describe.
Some nights I begged and hoped to die.
I’m not sure of myself, where do I run?  
I wished I hated you.
You, turned into this demon.  
Instead I am looking foolish,
when you ask for me to run.  
The embarrassment of yesterday is home.
You made me question, what did i do wrong?
How could I cause this pain on my own?
You made life hard. .
It hurts, not the typical love,
anyone would know.
 I really wished my heart didn’t have a beat.
 Now it's time for me to go.
 Off to hell,
I claim it on my own.
 I know that I am mentally ill.
I say this while looking in the mirror,
reflecting on myself.

-Brianna Rodriguez