Chains

I want to beg you to be faithful this time. I want to get on my knees and bawl my eyes out and say please, PLEASE don't cheat on me. Please don't lie to me. Promise me a promise you won't break. Promise me you won't sleep with someone else. Tell me I'm actually worth staying loyal for, drunk or sober. Please don't make me look stupid again. Please don't give another woman that upper hand. I wish I could go back in time, before you slept with her and somehow fix us. Somehow prevent it because that's all I can think of. When you were using me as your emotional punching bag before you met my dad and my siblings. It was our first long road trip together and after that, after what I thought was a redo for us, you still went out and cheated. I just can't dismiss it. I wish I could, but I can't. Part of me wants to get even, but for what? I'm better than that, my family means more to me than that. I just wish I could transfer all this pain to you, all the memories and worries. Just send it all to you. I don't want to feel this anymore. I wish it could go away. How can I make it go away?