Wonderings

Love isn't my forte
But then again I don't know if I can really say that because I've never really experienced it, romantically that is.
I've never had the chance to be in love, to be vulnerable and happy with someone, you know

You may wonder why
Maybe it's coz, like they say, I haven't found 'the one' (Whatever that means)
Maybe it's coz I've not allowed myself to love coz I'm scared, scared to be hurt or toyed with emotionally
Maybe it's cause the word 'love' is being used so loosely and thrown around like garbage that it has lost its meaning to me
I feel like if someone told me they loved me I wouldn't believe them, no fault of their own of course
just me and my trust issues

Don't get me wrong I have had crushes
but the problem was staying interested in them for more than five minutes

 Maybe I'm the problem
Coz I'm afraid of letting people in
I'm the problem
Coz I haven't gotten over the fear of being hurt by someone
And that makes it really hard to commit
That's why I don't wear my heart on my sleeves and
I keep my cards so close to my chest even I can't get a sneak peek at them

This then makes me wonder
Should I really complain about not having experienced love when clearly am the underlying issue blocking my path