Lost Identity

Who am I, I do not know
Lost, confused and astray I grow
Frustrations within at a peak
Overwhelmed, helpless, a future bleak
Weeping aloud on the inside for help
Crying myself to sleep in my hell
Not my life I live, I just exist
For people around, me amidst
I still continue to serve all my relations
At times with my heart, some but obligations
Not all promises I can now keep
As I keep drowning into waters so deep
Struggle I am doing for a while
All alone and broken inside, I smile
Cannot keep fighting it all anymore
My own identity lost, I have no shore
I am at this juncture of my life
Seeking a best friend more than a wife
I know you wanted to be that one
I too wished for that to be you or none
But I couldn’t give that to you with other things
Couldn’t speak of all my past and feelings
I thought somethings weren't important to share
That those were just stupid phases of my truth and dare
I though my life was going to be smooth sailing
Everything around now seems to be falling with me failing
I know, in many ways I have wronged you
Am filled with that guilt and pain too
I feel i have cheated, betrayed n lied
Not physically, but on emotional side
It kills me that I couldn’t come forth each time
Without hurting you with my restless mind
I am not sure of what all I like
Is it man, woman or both alike
This was not something that I had thought or planned
I am not asking for you to accept or understand
I am not sure of what I want or expect in life
I just want us both to breathe and explore our life
I do know, I don’t want to leave you behind
I do love you, you’ll forever be in my heart and mind