Control

Control.
All I ever wanted.
What my parents wanted.
Used against me.
Controlling my actions.
Controlling my mouth.
Controlling my thoughts.
Giving me no escape
From this insanity
That control built in my mind.
Eating me.
Killing me.
Giving me no control.
Powerless against the thoughts
That swirl through my mind.
Mocking me.
No control.
Just insanity.
So overwhelming
Controlling my thoughts.
Guilt and suicide
Taking control.
Powerless.
I let it take control.
It builds inside me.
Burning me.
Mocking me.
Overcoming my mind
Controlling my actions.
No control.
Just pain.
The pain comes every day.
Powerless against it.
It takes control
Giving me none.
A life-killing,
Ruthless control
Whispering in my ear
Telling me
I am better off dead.
I listen
Knowing it won’t leave
Until I give up control
Give in to the pain
And end my time.
The pain leaves
When I am done.
When my life stops.
But then
A whisper reminds me
That I still lack
The thing that took my life.
Control.